WHY????

The question I keep getting asked over the last few days is WHY? Why do you want more children? Why are you going public? Why are you going public in such a big way?

Firstly, blogging is something I wanted to do for a long time but I really wanted to do it about something that was important to me and something that others could relate to. I am also a giver. I want to help people all the time and if just one person who was suffering in silence or didn’t know where to start first with getting help with fertility issues read my blogs and I gave them comfort and hope, that’s all I need.

With regards having more children. I love my two boys more than life itself and would go to the end of the earth for them and I am sure all parents can relate to that feeling. Bursting with love, pride and over course protecting them. However, I have always wanted a big family. I have 2 sisters who I love dearly and wouldn’t change it for the world. I also come from large extended families and my love for children has always been there. I took for granted being able to get pregnant and never thought after the boys that I would face any issues. But I have and knowing that something stands between you and having another baby is horrific. I have no control over it really. I am taking the medication, I am being proactive and doing all the right things but there is no guarantee. But I am determined and I am going to keep trying.

Going public was a big decision and it ate away at me for ages. Especially when I registered my Domain and it was all becoming very real, very quickly. I was apprehensive. But I am glad now that I did. Sitting at home letting the cloud get you is not healthy. It’s not healthy for me, for my marriage, for my children or for my friendships. I wanted to step out ahead of the problem and share it. Use my knowledge and experiences to help others and to just break the silence and the taboo. I have fertility issues, I am not embarrassed or ashamed, I am not a bad person because of it. I am human.

Hopefully I can help others and please feel free to contact me privately if you have any questions.

Party Planning

I’m taking a step away from the serious stuff today and going to give you some ideas for planning a party. I love party and event planning. When my sister decided to have her 30th in my parents’ house it was all systems go to make sure everything ran smoothly. I offered to sort out all the decorations and make the cake.

Decorations

We decided on pastels and started to search all the party websites. Then I landed on Party Parlour (www.partyparlour.ie) and found amazing pieces. We had to get enough to decorate two Marquees and the garage. We are very lucky that in my parents’ house we have all the facilities to host outdoor events and I was blessed to have both boys Christening parties there after their ceremony’s.

You will see from some of the pictures I attached the decorations that we went with. Floral buntings, tissue pom poms, honeycombs, paper lanterns, hanging fans and much more. By picking a colour scheme of pastels it was easy to mix and match decorations creating an array of colours and styles. I had some old fairy lights which we used to light of the ceiling in the garage along with the DJ’s lights.

Photos

I thought it would be fun to get some photo props and decorated an old frame for taking pictures. These pictures could then be added to the album I created for my sister with photos from her childhood and all the major happenings in her life. I contacted most of her friends through social media and asked them to send me pictures for the album. This was the best gift of all as it was from everyone there. All the pictures were printed by the local pharmacy Adrian Dunne’s, the girls in there are so helpful and efficient and the photos are reasonably priced when printing in bulk. I spent most of the night with a camera around my neck making sure I captured all the fun. Documented memories forever.

Drinks

The idea was that everyone brought their own drinks and there was a bit of everything in the house too for the all-night partiers. Mam and I ordered a cocktail bar for the party as a surprise. Cocktail Mocktail from Portlaoise and they seemed to have been in festival circuit last year from their pics on Facebook. The bar is inflatable and the set up takes no time. You can find them on Facebook @cocktailmocktailirl. It was a great addition to the night and added a bit of colour to the décor with the neon lights.

The Sweet Table

So as usual when I say I am going to do something I do it times ten. I offered to make the birthday cake but thought we wold need some cupcakes too. And as there was going to be kids there it was suggested we might need some sweets. So, the birthday cake soon spiralled into a Sweet Table. You can see the pictures I attached. I made the cake and the cupcakes on the Friday night and then Saturday morning as I mentioned in my last post between meeting with the fertility advisor, decorating and beautifying myself I had to ice 60 cupcakes and decorate them. Sean was in the kitchen beside me during the mayhem and asked “why do you always do this to yourself”, I don’t know, maybe because I am crazy!!!! Someone needs to restrain me, I get so excited. There were very little cupcakes left so I don’t feel too bad.

I raided my house to decorate the table, some birdcage battery operated lights I picked up in Heaton’s on sale and a large birdcage tea light holder that I picked up in the local €2 euro shop. The jars and scoops were borrowed from a friend and I decorated the marquee in lanterns and battery operated candles to add some ambience. These were borrowed from my cousin and originally purchased from Dunnes Stores.

The night was a huge success and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. A local events caterer provided food and the music was provided by a friend of my husbands, he comes highly recommended. He had a mixture of music for all eras and genres and kept everyone on the dance floor all night.

A Visit to the Doctors

Summer 2016- A visit to the doctors:

I made an appointment and nervously went in, hoping to be told I had nothing to worry about. I had recently changed GP’s and am so glad I did. The level of understanding and care I received was second to none and I wasn’t with the practice very long. My bloods were taken and I was referred to my gynaecologist. There was nothing abnormal in my bloods, only the length of time I had been trying warranted further investigation.

I felt like the appointment for my gynaecologist would never come. While waiting, I had repeat bloods on Day 3 and Day 21 of my cycle. This was important to give a clear indication of how my hormone levels were. After chatting with a good friend and explaining my worries she gave me a card for Dr. Phil Boyle of the Neo Fertility Clinic in Dublin. Of course, I rang but was told in August that he was so busy that the next appointment was November – Seriously! My heart sank. I had no time to wait, I wanted to get down to the root of the problem asap, I wanted a baby, yesterday!

The receptionist explained that they had recently taken on another consultant and that she had been shadowing Dr. Boyle for a number of weeks and if I wanted I could have an appointment with her, Dr. Michelle Morris. I jumped at the chance and got an appointment for 20th September. In the meantime, my gynaecologist got back to me with an appointment for the 17th September. Of course, I went to see both. Two different approaches, two different opinions, why not, I was desperate.

Gynaecologist:

My first appointment was with my OB/GYN on a Saturday morning. I was so nervous but so excited too – I was finally going to get some answers. She did a scan and found that my left ovary had 7/8 small cysts/follicles. Not enough to be Poly Cystic, so that wasn’t the problem she explained. She wanted to arrange for a Hysterosalpingogram – HSG scan which would check my womb and that my fallopian tubes were patent. Being patent means, in my understanding, that the dye that is injected inside my womb would be able to exit my fallopian tubes without meeting any blockages. This scan was to be arranged on my next cycle.

Neo Fertility:

This appointment was only a few days later, Tuesday. It was a bit of a whirlwind, so much information. I had to start charting every cycle. I gave Dr. Morris a history and my blood results. I discussed with her the cysts/follicles found in my left ovary. She asked me about my moods, sleep pattern, weight and to describe in detail my cycles. I left with a prescription and a book to track my cycles and I was really confused. There was so much medical jargon and meds I had to digest, my head felt like it was going to explode. The only saving grace with the Neo Fertility clinic is you are put in touch with a Fertility Advisor. I was given her name and I knew I would be ok.

Fertility Advisor:

The lady was local and I knew her, I was so pleased and rang her the very next day. I asked her could we meet so she could explain how I was to track and to go through what was discussed at the meeting – I was so over whelmed. The meeting went great, she took her time, explained everything, explained the meds, the tracking, and the importance of relaxing. The same day I was baking, from early, for my sister’s 30th birthday, glowing with tan and had to go home and ice 60 buns and a cake and then decorate the Marquee and get hair and makeup done ahhhhhhh!. Relax – not possible!

I gave myself the weekend off to enjoy myself and started on the medication on Monday. This consisted of Metformin to treat Polycystic Ovaries, Alpha Lipoic Acid, Vitamin D3, Morepa Platinum Omega 3’s, Pregnacare Conception and LDN – Low Dose Naltrexone. The girls in the local chemist were amazing, they were and are always on hand with any questions or worries I have and are so supportive each month. They really helped starting all this medication so much easier.

I am very fortunate to be in a position to attain all this help and with the support of my parents, husband and family was able to positively take action. I am not the type of person to sit back and let things take over me so I had no choice to be proactive. This was only the start and nothing happens overnight I know that, but still when October came along and I wasn’t pregnant it hurt. It’s like your heart breaks just a little, a slight crack and you can physically feel the pain. My coping mechanism is to eat some chocolate, have a little cry and then get excited about the next month. Pick myself back up and plan ahead ……………………

to be continued

Introducing Me

As you will see from my About page my name is Dawn. I am a mammy to two beautiful boys, Nathan and Jacob, and married to Sean.

The reason I have finally decided to start a blog is to give myself a voice. I want a virtual diary so that I can share the good with the bad. And hopefully through my experiences I can help someone else.

I have a really good life, I have my family, my friends, my house, a job and so many things to be thankful for but I also suffered with Post Natal Depression after both boys and am now I am having fertility problems. These are two subjects that are uncomfortable to talk about and I don’t find, from my experience, that people are willing to share. So therefore, sometimes it can be lonely to have no one that truly understands the heartache.

I know how lucky I am to have two children already, however, the want for a child outweighs any reasoning. To know the miracle of creating your own flesh and blood, to feel the baby grow and move inside of you, it’s an amazing gift.

The day after having my first boy Nathan I was lying in the hospital bed with my deflated tummy and although Nathan was in my arms I said to Sean that I missed the movement in my belly, I missed being pregnant. He nearly dropped to the floor in shock 🙂

The last few years have been a whirlwind. In 2008 we bought our house, the following year we got engaged and a few weeks later found out we were pregnant with Nathan. Nathan was born in 2010 and exactly a year later we got married. Jacob was born a year later in 2012 and we have been busy ever since with our little monkeys. On New Year’s Eve 2014 we decided to start trying for another baby, the boys were getting big and the time was right – so we thought. Over two years later we are still trying.

It got to 18 months and I knew something was wrong. I started to get disheartened and upset every month when it didn’t happen. Close friends told me it was probably just stress and that I should try forget about it and it might happen. I knew it was time to go seek some professional help, be proactive and get some answers …………………………

 

to be continued