There is no better feeling in the world than holding your baby for the first time, their smell, their tiny fingers, and toes, how actually small they are. Your emotions are over flowing and it all becomes real. This little baby you have been growing inside of you for 9 months has finally graced you with their presence. You’re in love, a love that is like no other, a love that fills you with joy from head to toe. Your protective side kicks in and when the nurse takes your baby to dress him and make sure everything is ok, you watch her, you watch her every move, making sure your little person is safe. Not taking into consideration that the nurse or midwife works with baby’s every day or that this is what he/she is trained to do. She has your baby now and she’s not worthy.
Let me take you back to the beginning. Deciding to have a baby and change our lives for the better was easy for me. I wanted a baby forever, I was always broody and surrounded myself with children, especially my cousins growing up. I felt like I was a part of their lives and them apart of mine. I was first to offer to babysit. I remember traveling across the country as a teenager to spend time with the first-born cousin in a long time. I was obsessed. My aunt that lived locally had a baby a few years later and I nearly moved in. I was 6 years old when my youngest sister was born and she was so precious to me. I mothered her and still to this day have to be reminded that she has one mother and my role is a sister.
It took Sean a little longer to come around to the idea. I think it’s different for men, he was being practical and was thinking with his head and not his heart. Can we afford a baby, are we ready, it is the right time? He came around in the end. We went to Manchester for a few days in the August to see a match and stayed with Family. We had a great time and really relaxed. We had decided we would try when we got back. We figured it would take a while for it to happen. Little did we know that God had different plans. We got pregnant first time, how simple it was looking back at it compared to our struggles now.
As you will see from yesterday’s post we got engaged in September and two weeks later found out we were pregnant. I remember going up stairs to unpack from our night way and doing the test. When the results were, in I couldn’t believe. Although I instinctively knew, I was still in shock. I nervously called Sean upstairs and showed him the test. He hugged me but I could see he was struggling to digest it all. He went back down stairs to watch the match and I busied myself upstairs. I came down a few minutes later and offered to go pick us up some dinner. I wanted to leave him to his thoughts until he was ready to talk to me. When I got back we went outside as it was a nice day to eat our food and my cousins arrived, they were staying over for the night. When they went to bed later that night we sat down and had a great chat, Sean was delighted and I knew he just needed time to process everything.
It was then time to tell our families. We called to my parents’ house first. I was so nervous. I had participated in a fitness camp over the previous few weeks and signed up for the next one. Mam mentioned the camp and was asking what nights was it on. This was my cue. I said I won’t be able to take part this time, why she said? Nervously I told her and she was thrilled. She told Daddy straight away and they both hugged and congratulated us. Daddy made a joke and said now he was married to Granny and I knew they were ok with the news. My sisters were there too that day and everyone was told in my house. Off to Sean’s Mothers house.
When we got there his sister happened to be there too as well as a few of his brothers. We went into his Mam’s room and told his Mam and sister first and then told his brothers. There was great excitement. The hard bit was over. I don’t know why we were so nervous. We were adults, had bought our own house the year previous and were now engaged to be married. I suppose it’s only natural.
I went to the doctors on the Monday morning after finding out, he thought it may not show up yet on their tests as it was so early, but it did. All my information was sent to the hospital to get me in with a consultant and to arrange the first scan. It wasn’t will all this was over the nausea started. For weeks I was so nauseous, until one day my mam said to me on the phone during a moaning session; “You will never be pregnant again for the first time, don’t waste it moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, enjoy it”. It was the kick in the bum I needed. I just got over myself. Mind over matter.
I loved every minute of being pregnant, every scan, every kick, every hiccup. I loved it. It was the miracle of life. At 24 weeks, we went to Blackrock for a 3D scan. I was dying to find out the gender, Sean was on the fence as usual. But when the scan started he was sold. He wanted to know who he was looking at. Our son. He was the image of his Daddy; strange I know but his features were the same. That was an amazing time for both of us. On the way home, we picked his name and stopped in Newbridge to pick up his letters for his Nursery.
Time flew to the end and I was nesting for weeks. The house was ready but no sign of baby. We got to term plus 4, it was a bank holiday Monday and I woke with contractions, they were mild but happening. It was 6:50am and I rang Mammy. The excitement began. She said to come straight to her house and be there until I needed to go to hospital. The day passed by and the contractions came and went. I was ready for my baby and had planned to have a natural birth. It got to the early hours of Tuesday morning and Sean and I went to the hospital. I was assessed and given a bed. No move and I was discharged as quick on the Tuesday as the contractions stopped for a few hours. I was exhausted and glad to get home to Mammy’s for a sleep. I slept well on Tuesday night but the contractions woke me again on Wednesday morning. Today was the day………………………
To be continued