Mammy Guilt

Mammy guilts are the worst. I take my hat off to working Mammy’s, it must be so tough to be away from your children every day. I count myself as very lucky and although I am a working mother, I only work 27 hours a week, 10 to 4 Monday to Thursday and I finish early on Friday, so I can do the school pickups. I am blessed that I can drop my kids to school every morning, enjoying a dance and a sing on the way and watch them as they run happily into school.

I put in a few tough weeks, it doesn’t happen often, but it made me think and appreciate how lucky I really am. Some nights it’s been 7pm when I was get home, dark outside and really cold and so tired after a long and stressful day. I get into my nice warm house and I am welcomed with hugs. Then its straight upstairs to get my clothes off and wash my face and I snuggle in on the couch with the boys and Sean for loads of hugs and kisses. The little time we have together on those long days before the bedtime march is precious. Then Nathans ears began to heat up and get red and Jacob starts to wilt, and you know it’s time for bed.

Sometimes we take for granted our little people and we dwell on the all the stuff they do to annoy us. I don’t know about you but there are times when I am sick of listening to my own voice. Stop doing that, get dressed, eat your dinner, stop fighting, stop killing each other and so on. I get so caught up on how busy I am, where the kids have to go today, is the house clean, how much washing I have to get done and how tired I am.

There is always someone out there worse off. I have the freedom of the evenings and the leisure of getting ready in the mornings. There are Mammy’s and Daddy’s out there who leave early in the mornings and don’t get home until their little ones are ready for bed or sometimes asleep. I don’t know how you do it. You are amazing.

I have a friend who made a choice to change career from a few hours a week to a commitment of shift work, long hours, a tasking job and all for the sake of her family, her kids and a better life. How hard it must have been to make that decision, the guilt and the torment of “Am I doing the right thing”. Well I think you are amazing and I commend you. I know its not easy being away from your kids but in order to get the things you need and want in life, sacrifices have to be made. I also think the time spent with your family is more precious and you cherish it more. Kids are so resilient, and they adjust well to change. As long as they know they are loved, that’s all that matters.

Mammy guilts are the worst, I can’t speak for Daddy’s because I am not one, but I feel the Mammy guilts all the time. After a long day or a stressful occurrence, it’s our loved ones that suffer the most. I know myself when I am stressed or upset I don’t have the same patience. Or when I am trying to concentrate on something important I am not always present. At night time in our house there are stories, songs and enough cuddles for a year. However, when it becomes late, and monkeys start messing and not getting into their beds or whinging, my patience slowly disappears. Sometimes I snap and shout to get back into bed or go to sleep and as I walk out of the room Mammy guilt sets in and I don’t want my cross voice to be the last thing they hear before going to sleep. I creep back into the room for more kisses and cuddles, a few I Love You’s and Goodnight.

Another example of Mammy guilts is on the way to school and your 5 year old gets upset about something totally irrational, like he has my bottle and I wanted that bottle…….. He starts to whimper and cry and before you know it you are at the school. You don’t want to send him into school upset so it’s cuddles behind the car door in case anyone see’s you hugging him and his street cred is ruined. You wipe his eyes and kiss him on the cheek. He wipes it off and says ughhh because you are in public. You try to say something funny to make him smile and if that doesn’t work you accidently hurt yourself off the car door. Hurting yourself usually gets a giggle. As he runs into school your heart breaks just a little because you just wish you could have cuddled him all day until he was ok again. Mammy guilts – who’s idea were these, who invented them?

Well I wish all the Mammy’s out there a Mammy guilt free day. Take a day to yourself. Kiss your children on the cheek and tell them you love them and go do something that makes you feel good. You need it to reboot the batteries and I promise the guilt will still be there when you get back. Be kind to yourself x ……………………….

To be continued

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